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How to fall in love in 3 easy steps

The title is ridiculous and was meant to fool you.

There is no easy way to fall in love – if you are not, you are not. If you are, you are.

If you are not in love, your heart is not open to the person as a partner, period.

If you have ever been or are in love, you know that falling in love can never be taught. There are no simple steps. It is phenomena.

I have met a few people in my lifetime who have a very hard time to open their heart completely to one person. Some find that hard to handle about themselves and they think something must be wrong with them.

If you are one of these people, fear not. An article by Dr. Farek Radwan (2011) confirms that there could be a few very good reasons why some take longer to fall in love than others:

The Reasons You Rarely Fall In Love
  • You Lack external dependency: External Dependency is the act of being dependent on other factors or objects in order to feel happy or to escape from your bad moods. Just like some people escape to drugs in order to feel happy others escape to love in order to escape bad moods. If you don’t fall in love often then this might mean that you don’t escape to relationships whenever things go wrong and that you only fall in love with someone when you really want him
  • You are visual: According to the psychology of love people fall in love with someone when he matches certain criteria present in their brain called the subconscious criteria. If you were a visual person or someone who makes judgments based on looks then most probably you won’t fall in love with someone unless he/she is good looking. Of course there might be lots of good looking people around but you won’t fall in love with them before they meet your other criteria.
  • Your unconscious criteria is very tight: People Fall in love without understanding why but in fact that only happens when someone matches their unconscious criteria . If your criteria was very tight or if you had unrealistic expectations about your future partner then you might find it hard to find someone who appeals to you
  • The power of solitude: Some people can’t stay alone and always need to be with someone else. On the contrary people who have the power of solitude may even enjoy staying alone and that’s why some of them rarely fall in love.

I know other people that fall in love at the ‘drop of a hat’. I used to be one of those people I must confess. I was co-dependent, obsessed and had tunnel vision when it came to love. I gave everything I could possibly give to a man and left my own dreams, responsibilities my, even own family and friends on the way side. I then of course then would lie tattered on the ground in pieces when the relationship would end and wonder “Why? What went wrong? I gave so much!” As I write this I am laughing. I am so happy to write this and feel freedom finally after so many years of self induced pain. I finally got the point!

The universe tried so hard to teach me but I took the long road. Now I tell to my children and even my tarot clients that falling in love is not everything and that the first person whom you should fall in love with is yourself.

I don’t fall in love easily these days and it is OK because it is possible to fall in love with beingness – love that is not confined solely to one person.

As a great therapist Dr Jean Housten once told me “Leslie, if you want to find your Soulmate, you can find him in one minute – Go look in the mirror”. I will never forget those words that changed my life forever.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!