Return to site

Not Getting What you Want?

If only he/she would...

Hi my dear friends,


I hope this email finds you well!


I am writing today about relationships, and the expectation of happiness from them. I am expressing myself here from years of experience! I know how hard relationships can be, especially co-dependant ones.


Many of my clients come to me feeling like they are banging their head against a wall in their relationship.


"He just doesn't listen!"

"He shuts down when I need his love and attention!

"When I am going through a tough time, she's not there."

"She just wants to make things emotional all the time. Why can't she be cool!?"


My clients have their differing issues, but the core is this for each of them:


"I want him/her to change and be more....(blank) so I'll be happy."




"If only he/she would be more...(blank), I'd be happy."


Most couples split because they can't handle not getting what they want from their partner, and in many cases, the separation is necessary.

However, they break-up only to find down the track a new partner, who too, like the past partner, has his or her flaws that will eventually emerge.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Some can be more compatible than others, but never, ever, perfect. So,the question is: Is the problem with them or with you?


My message today is:


It's a


trying to change another person.

You can only change yourself.



Yes, the problem might be with you.


What if, instead of trying to get your own needs met, you try to understand the other person and accept him or her exactly how he/she is? It might be easier than the feeling of pushing a truck uphill?

This is showing respect to the other and the relationship; emotional maturity, dare I say?

Where are you not showing up in the relationship?


Ask yourself, am I practicing love and acceptance here?

What if he or she is perfectly fine as they are, and you need to work on finding your own happiness within yourself, without depending on them as the source?


Ask yourself, Am I being selfish to put the responsibility on him/her to make me happy? Isn't that a huge load to ask of someone?


Ironically, many times by using this practice of accepting the other exactly as they are with no intention to change them, you end up receiving from that person exactly what you want!  


One of my favourite quotes is:


"Love is Creating the Space for the Other to Change."


Love never happens through demanding, fighting or crying for it. As the saying goes:

"A Watched Pot Never Boils!"


Patience is required here too.

The other might not be capable of even understanding or doing it at all right now. Accept that he or she is NOT YOU.

Many couples have a better chance at staying together by this wisdom, "You be you and I'll be me!"


I love using the cards to delve deeper into what is really going on when two people can't get their needs met. I am always surprised by what the cards reveal. The answers vary for each client. There is no cookie cutter answer to relationships.

That's why tarot is so personal for me. I can't read generally for groups of people as each client's issue is individual and sensitive to that particular person.

I love working one on one with you!